The Power of Mentors

"Everyone comes into your life for a reason.  It is your decision how long they stay and what you learn from them."

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a critic movie screening for a movie called, "The Way Way Back." The film is the story of a 14 year old boy named Duncan, whose parents are divorced.  He and his mother are on a road trip to a beach house with his mother's boyfriend and daughter.  Duncan was not happy.  In fact, he was miserable.  I must say that I walked away from the theater feeling inspired.  It has been a long time since a movie prompted that feeling in my heart.  What did it?  The connection that I felt to Duncan as a character because I lived through the same kind of experiences, where a boy's father is not in the picture and doesn't make an effort to be a part of his son's life.  Also because to a certain degree, I felt the same way he did in the film, lost, with no sense of direction.  So how is it that a boy becomes a man at such a young age?  How does he realize his potential and overcome the difficult situation that he has been placed into?  

In the case of Duncan, various adults surround him.  His mother, her boyfriend Trent, and several of Trent's friends exert their influences on Duncan.  Trent wants him to follow the model that he grew up under, oft times overextending control and correction onto Duncan.  Several of the adults, including Duncan's mother, make poor choices and use drugs and alcohol to purport a perceived happiness to those around them.  Yet none of them are actually happy.  They booze away their sorrows and run away from the challenges they face in life. But there is one person that gets it.  That one person helps Duncan to realize the greatness within him, that he isn't a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Without revealing too much of what happens in the film, it caused me serious thought and reflection.  Who are our examples?  What do we learn from those around us?  Who do we choose to spend our time with?  What kind of influences are they exerting upon us?  We slowly, subconsciously become like those that we spend our time with.  People that do not exude love but rather go about life by distracting themselves with drugs, alcohol, or other things will find that in the end they will be unhappy and left unfilled.  I have tried to distance myself from the people that will bring me down, that will bring anger, frustration, hatred, jealousy or temptation with them.  But if they need my help, I will gladly show them love.  With all of these things flowing through my mind, I want to thank a few of the numberless individuals that have helped me in my life at times when I was lost.  Not all of them are upon the Earth any longer, but in memory of them, they deserve to be remembered and recognized for their influences upon me.  There are far too many people for me to thank or honor that deserve the recognition, but these are a few that are tender to my heart right now:

Waldo Lincoln Macey

My Grandpa Macey was always a role model for me.  During his life, he always worked hard to support his family, yet never hesitated to show those in need that he loved them.  He had the largest heart of any man I have ever known.  It didn't matter how he felt at the moment, his attention was always focused on those around him rather than himself.  I had several long talks with my grandpa before he passed away.  He was always a firm believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He studied and shared stories about spiritual experiences that he had.  He was as humble, loving, and dedicated of a man as I have ever known.  Each day I try to live up to the counsel he gave me, that "it doesn't matter how someone treats you, it is your responsibility to show them love in return."  In a day in age where selfishness and pride reign, my grandfather had foresight enough to give me the counsel that he knew I would be able to take to heart.  He made me a promise after my mission farewell that he would see me when I returned.  He battled and kept that promise. What a fine example of a man to model my life after.

Alan Shelby

Alan was another mentor to me.  In a very short time as a young boy, he taught me through his actions.  As my first basketball coach, he helped me not only to better understand the game, but to better understand life. Alan had many physical challenges during his life.  Yet he always demonstrated great efforts in trying to overcome the pain and anxiety that he felt. As I hung out with his daughters growing up, he always provided good instruction on how to properly treat a lady and demonstrated the example that a father should be in the home.  As I have faced physical and mental challenges of my own during life, I think back to the efforts that Alan made to overcome his challenges and it gives me hope. 

Don and Jackie Cannon

Don and Jackie Cannon were a second set of parents to me as I learned to live my life.  They welcomed me into their home with open arms and treated me as if I were one of their own.  When my mother was away at work, there were countless times that they fed me or took me places.  They sold me my first car for $1.  I have always looked at Don and Jackie as an example of the type of marriage that I want to someday have. Although difficulties arise, both rely on the Savior to help them through things and they in turn provide comfort and hope to all they meet with.  Don helped to teach me responsibility as I spent time with their family.  Through countless family vacations with them, as well as numerous sleepovers, I witnessed how these two amazing individuals would take in people off the streets that didn't have parents to guide them, and they would provide that direction.  They sacrifice so much for their family and for those that they adopt into their family.  I will strive to honor the example they have provided for me and I cannot thank them enough.  

Debbie Brackett

My mom has been the single greatest example and influence upon me in shaping me to become the man I am today.  It takes a truly remarkable woman to raise 7 children as a single mother.  For years she sacrificed everything she had for the well being of our family, working through illness and any challenges that arose.  I remember times growing up where she worked two jobs just to put a roof over our heads and provide us shelter.  She always taught us good values as children, and then patiently watched as we made choices, even some of which she probably didn't approve of.  Yet when we returned to her realizing the poor choice we had made, she would open her arms and cry with us.  My mom is an example of sacrifice, dedication, loyalty, hope, and all that is right in the world.  Her home is always open to me, regardless of the hour, and on many occasions when I have had a broken heart or broken body, she has helped to restore me to health and give me hope.  She is a source of happiness, kindness, sacrifice and love.  If at the end of my days I can look back and say that I learned half of the things that my mother has instilled in me through the years, than I will call this life a success.  I will always cherish her righteous example and love for the temple and others.  She is a truly selfless, humble example.  I love her with all my heart!

Something that I have noticed as I consider mentors and their roles in my life, is that they NEVER look upon themselves as such.  They do what they do because of love.  Sometimes these teachings come from the most unlikely of sources.  Other times they come from our family.  But by being an example and loving others, imagine the profound impact that we could have on the world. They help to give meaning to our lives.  This reminds me of a poem I read once that I found again recently on the internet.  I am not sure who wrote it, but this is how it goes:

This is how you touch others lives.  You show them that you care and give your love to them.  Some may accept it, others not so much.  But each of us can be the reason that someone else holds onto hope in their heart.  I have been blessed with siblings that love and care about me.  The Lord knew that I would struggle as a boy to find my way, just as Duncan did.  He sent me others to help me learn the role a father should play in the home.

To all my friends, current and through the years, thank you for your influence upon me.  Thank you for teaching me things and blessing my life with positivity and happiness.  So many of you have touched my heart more than you will ever believe or know.

In recent times I have also learned much from the women that I have dated.  They have instilled self worth, hope, and love into me and I will forever cherish the memories that I have with each of them.  They know who they are.  Their support and virtue has helped me to resist temptation and to aspire to be worthy of someday having a family of my own.  

So next time you see the person that makes a mistake; the person with a sad look on their face; the person that is sitting alone and looks depressed, say hello. Ask them if you can help.  When you see others that are happy and bring with them positive influences for your life, take a moment and thank them.  You might be amazed at the influence that you can have upon their life without even knowing it.  You might be the person that God put into their life, even for a small moment, to answer their heart's most desperate prayer.  That is the power of a loving mentor.